Not the most uplifting of title's today, but it's the topic most present on my heart and mind right now.....I just found out that my grandma is being moved to Hospice today and has a week to live...she has been in the hospital the last couple weeks after she fell at home and broke her arm. Since then she has been unable to swallow much food and has had a tube feeding her the last week. Since that is not the desire of her heart or my family's to have her living on a tube the rest of her life, she is being moved to hospice...so I have had a couple weeks to start digesting the fact that she probably was not going to be around much longer and knew deep down she wasn't going to be..but I am an optimist and I still had a glimmer of hope she would pull through.
So I am asking myself these questions....why do we have to experience suffering, pain, and death? How is my grandpa feeling right now knowing that he's no longer going to be experiencing life with his best friend of 70 years? And I think I have experienced lonliness...they have hardly been separated during that entire time. Just can't even imagine what my grandpa is going through...then there's my grandma..does she even know we are there? Her mind has been all over the place...does she know what's going on? Did she decide a long time ago to give up or is she still fighting? If I were her, I would want to be done and move onto eternity with God...I am sure that's exactly how she feels..but then I wonder, is she sad, scared, etc.? Then there is my mom...losing her mom who has been in her life for 63 years...again, I don't know what that feels like, though I have a small idea losing my dad....but each person's experience with it is unique to them.
So, I am really hating death, suffering, and sickness right now...I know that its apart of life here on earth, but why? No one has the answer to that one.....except God....I am thankful for the relationship I have had with grandma and her presence in my life. Some people aren't close with their grandparents but they have been an intricale part of my life since I was born and they have helped shape who I am today...it's so important we stay connected to them..they have so much to offer to our lives. If you don't have a close relationship with your grandparents...call or visit them today...you will make their day, week, month...and bring a smile to their face. My grandma and grandpa have the biggest smiles on their faces when I call them or visit them unexpectedly...and they have warmingly welcomed Jeremy into their lives..you should see the big smile my grandma gets on her face when Jeremy comes into the room and says "Hi grandma!" Melts my heart each time..will never forget her smile...oh how I hate losing people.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A New Year
Wow, I can't believe it's already January 21, 2009! The past month has flown by with many new beginnings and transitions.....I married my best friend on December 13th and its been a wild ride of adventures since the day we met. So today I thought I would share that story...from my perspective. :)
It all started on July 6, 2008 when I went on an adventure to the great wilderness of Northern Minnesota to Wilderness North Training Center to participate in the Young Leaders 40 day program. I felt led to do this two year program to grow more into the woman I was created to be and to grow closer to God. I would have never guessed that I would meet my partner and best friend for life during this adventure. Within a couple days of conversation on Dumb and Dumber and organic food and supplements, Jeremy Erdman began his pursuit of my heart and through hesitancy and fear, I slowly let him in. Our connection was unmistakable and mysterious as I could not figure out how we connected so quickly and easily. It's like he could see right to my heart when I couldn't even see what was going on. One night we spent two ours on the kayaks on Murphy Lake and asked each other get to know you questions..I asked him what his ideal Saturday morning would look like? When he responded, I just knew that we would be spending Saturday mornings together someday...this deep knowing continued even though I continued to ask the Lord if he was the man I was to marry...we had so much in common with living a healthy lifestyle, being active, loving the outdoors, but even more were the dreams we had and the way we wanted to live our lives...he wanted to spend his life creating and doing things to help others, as well as experiencing an adventurous life by exploring and trying new things...growing and learning. He is a dreamer...I am a dreamer who is also super goal-oriented and practical so our combination would move us both into the dreams we both had on on our hearts. We worked well together, based on our projects we got to work on together, like putting shingles on an outhouse..ha..ha.:) And we just had fun together...not to mention we were highly attracted to each other. We spent 6 weeks being intentional with each other but also getting to know others in the group as we worked on establishing a great foundation of a friendship. Through canoe trips, a sailing trip, solitude days sometimes spent together in silence, late night talks in the lodge over reading assignments, and kayak rides on the lake, it was clear to both of us that this relationship was meant to continue post 40 days. I knew before I went to Wilderness North that my life was going to look drastically different when I returned and God has already prepared me to move, but I wasn't sure where...through lots of prayers and conversations, I felt the Lord leading me out of Des Moines and to Minnesota to grow closer to Jeremy and to get to know myself more. Things moved quickly when I returned and within 6 weeks I moved to Minnesota to start a job the Lord opened up, as well as a free place to live. Within 2 weeks of moving, Jeremy propose to me (not to mention the same weekend I severly sprained my ankle and was on crutches for 3 weeks!). Within another 6 weeks I had renter for my townhome in West Des Moines who is wanting to buy it this Spring. Within 8 weeks of being engaged, we got married on December 13th, 2008 in Iowa at the church I grew up in. After the wedding, we went on a honeymoon to northern minnesota to a cabin in the middle of no where, and then headed back to Taylors Falls to move into our new place...a 2 story loft apartment on top of a wood shop. It's the greatest place for a new couple and the rent in super cheap. Jeremy's still working with Speed Trac Technologies and can do some of his work from home. I work for Regis Corporation in Edina and am now working 3 days from home b/c of the long commute. This allows Jeremy and I to get to spend a lot of time together these first few months of marriage and get our home and lives in order.
All of these new beginnings and transitions definitely brought some hard and lonely days as I was outside of my comfort zone and I had to depend on the Living Creator of the Universe living inside of me to help me through each day. He proved himself faithful through each situation. I am in a new season of my life where I am learning more and more about who I am and my place in this world...as well as how to be the best wife to my new hubby. I don't have as many friends up here like I do in Iowa, but I believe that is for a reason. I am now able to spend more time on my own and with Jeremy as we continue moving forward in the dreams God has laid on our hearts.
When I look back to January 21, 2008 and think about all that happened in 2008, I am blown away by the creativity and power of God. I could not have thought up the way He answered several of my prayers in 2008. I am so excited to see what He has in store for me and for Jeremy in 2009 and how He is going to use us to encourage, inspire, and love on each other and those around us.
Stay tuned for more postings and pics and random thoughts...I am also in a season of deep contemplation on life and have lots of questions and thoughts to share with all of you.
It all started on July 6, 2008 when I went on an adventure to the great wilderness of Northern Minnesota to Wilderness North Training Center to participate in the Young Leaders 40 day program. I felt led to do this two year program to grow more into the woman I was created to be and to grow closer to God. I would have never guessed that I would meet my partner and best friend for life during this adventure. Within a couple days of conversation on Dumb and Dumber and organic food and supplements, Jeremy Erdman began his pursuit of my heart and through hesitancy and fear, I slowly let him in. Our connection was unmistakable and mysterious as I could not figure out how we connected so quickly and easily. It's like he could see right to my heart when I couldn't even see what was going on. One night we spent two ours on the kayaks on Murphy Lake and asked each other get to know you questions..I asked him what his ideal Saturday morning would look like? When he responded, I just knew that we would be spending Saturday mornings together someday...this deep knowing continued even though I continued to ask the Lord if he was the man I was to marry...we had so much in common with living a healthy lifestyle, being active, loving the outdoors, but even more were the dreams we had and the way we wanted to live our lives...he wanted to spend his life creating and doing things to help others, as well as experiencing an adventurous life by exploring and trying new things...growing and learning. He is a dreamer...I am a dreamer who is also super goal-oriented and practical so our combination would move us both into the dreams we both had on on our hearts. We worked well together, based on our projects we got to work on together, like putting shingles on an outhouse..ha..ha.:) And we just had fun together...not to mention we were highly attracted to each other. We spent 6 weeks being intentional with each other but also getting to know others in the group as we worked on establishing a great foundation of a friendship. Through canoe trips, a sailing trip, solitude days sometimes spent together in silence, late night talks in the lodge over reading assignments, and kayak rides on the lake, it was clear to both of us that this relationship was meant to continue post 40 days. I knew before I went to Wilderness North that my life was going to look drastically different when I returned and God has already prepared me to move, but I wasn't sure where...through lots of prayers and conversations, I felt the Lord leading me out of Des Moines and to Minnesota to grow closer to Jeremy and to get to know myself more. Things moved quickly when I returned and within 6 weeks I moved to Minnesota to start a job the Lord opened up, as well as a free place to live. Within 2 weeks of moving, Jeremy propose to me (not to mention the same weekend I severly sprained my ankle and was on crutches for 3 weeks!). Within another 6 weeks I had renter for my townhome in West Des Moines who is wanting to buy it this Spring. Within 8 weeks of being engaged, we got married on December 13th, 2008 in Iowa at the church I grew up in. After the wedding, we went on a honeymoon to northern minnesota to a cabin in the middle of no where, and then headed back to Taylors Falls to move into our new place...a 2 story loft apartment on top of a wood shop. It's the greatest place for a new couple and the rent in super cheap. Jeremy's still working with Speed Trac Technologies and can do some of his work from home. I work for Regis Corporation in Edina and am now working 3 days from home b/c of the long commute. This allows Jeremy and I to get to spend a lot of time together these first few months of marriage and get our home and lives in order.
All of these new beginnings and transitions definitely brought some hard and lonely days as I was outside of my comfort zone and I had to depend on the Living Creator of the Universe living inside of me to help me through each day. He proved himself faithful through each situation. I am in a new season of my life where I am learning more and more about who I am and my place in this world...as well as how to be the best wife to my new hubby. I don't have as many friends up here like I do in Iowa, but I believe that is for a reason. I am now able to spend more time on my own and with Jeremy as we continue moving forward in the dreams God has laid on our hearts.
When I look back to January 21, 2008 and think about all that happened in 2008, I am blown away by the creativity and power of God. I could not have thought up the way He answered several of my prayers in 2008. I am so excited to see what He has in store for me and for Jeremy in 2009 and how He is going to use us to encourage, inspire, and love on each other and those around us.
Stay tuned for more postings and pics and random thoughts...I am also in a season of deep contemplation on life and have lots of questions and thoughts to share with all of you.
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