human suffering and death

Not the most uplifting of title's today, but it's the topic most present on my heart and mind right now.....I just found out that my grandma is being moved to Hospice today and has a week to live...she has been in the hospital the last couple weeks after she fell at home and broke her arm. Since then she has been unable to swallow much food and has had a tube feeding her the last week. Since that is not the desire of her heart or my family's to have her living on a tube the rest of her life, she is being moved to hospice...so I have had a couple weeks to start digesting the fact that she probably was not going to be around much longer and knew deep down she wasn't going to be..but I am an optimist and I still had a glimmer of hope she would pull through.

So I am asking myself these questions....why do we have to experience suffering, pain, and death? How is my grandpa feeling right now knowing that he's no longer going to be experiencing life with his best friend of 70 years? And I think I have experienced lonliness...they have hardly been separated during that entire time. Just can't even imagine what my grandpa is going through...then there's my grandma..does she even know we are there? Her mind has been all over the place...does she know what's going on? Did she decide a long time ago to give up or is she still fighting? If I were her, I would want to be done and move onto eternity with God...I am sure that's exactly how she feels..but then I wonder, is she sad, scared, etc.? Then there is my mom...losing her mom who has been in her life for 63 years...again, I don't know what that feels like, though I have a small idea losing my dad....but each person's experience with it is unique to them.

So, I am really hating death, suffering, and sickness right now...I know that its apart of life here on earth, but why? No one has the answer to that one.....except God....I am thankful for the relationship I have had with grandma and her presence in my life. Some people aren't close with their grandparents but they have been an intricale part of my life since I was born and they have helped shape who I am today...it's so important we stay connected to them..they have so much to offer to our lives. If you don't have a close relationship with your grandparents...call or visit them today...you will make their day, week, month...and bring a smile to their face. My grandma and grandpa have the biggest smiles on their faces when I call them or visit them unexpectedly...and they have warmingly welcomed Jeremy into their lives..you should see the big smile my grandma gets on her face when Jeremy comes into the room and says "Hi grandma!" Melts my heart each time..will never forget her smile...oh how I hate losing people.